Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
