I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
