Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Randomize
