I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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