So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
