Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
