Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My dick has a subreddit
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
