so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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