kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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