You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
