I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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