thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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