the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
