Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
