i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
tell me about the fingering
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
