Can i not drive my cunt home
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
