So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
