I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
vagina is talking i cant
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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