i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
