Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
