Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
