remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
