i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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