Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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