he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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