i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
