I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
