did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
