so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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