Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
