I heard we made out
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
