could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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