Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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