I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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