Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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