babies were throwing up all over the place
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
