...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
