Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
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