I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
