How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
