i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
