i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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