Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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