Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
