You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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