I want to stick my p in your. b.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
