i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
