I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
this beer tastes like vomit already
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize