I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
