Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
