carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
