A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
