I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
