Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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