this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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