I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
