1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
