i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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