Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
