i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
