i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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