Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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