i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
