JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
