Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
