Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
