In the future we'll all be gay
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
