I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize